


Thanks for the Memories

by palominopup



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Oral Sex, Rimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-17
Updated: 2014-11-23
Packaged: 2018-02-25 19:01:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2632763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/palominopup/pseuds/palominopup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After an accident, Dean is in a coma.  When he awakes, he has no memory of his loving relationship with Cas.  In Dean's mind, he's a hunter, his father is missing, his mother was killed by a demon and Sammy quit Stanford to go on the road with him to search for their father.  In reality, Dean is a mechanic, his lover is a book editor, they were planning to be married.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

 

 

The sound of someone singing softly was Dean’s first conscious memory, but he couldn’t seem to open his eyes. It was a steady beeping sound that finally made his eyelids flutter and whisper a single word, “water.”

“Dean, oh, Jesus…hold on, Babe. I’ll get a nurse.” Dean’s eyes squinted and he tried to place the raspy voice, but couldn’t. His throat was so dry, but he wanted to go back to sleep.

“Mr. Winchester? Can you open your eyes for me?” A voice with a British accent seemed to be talking to him.

Dean’s eyes slowly opened. He’s brow creased in concentration. The first person he saw was a dark haired man with intense blue eyes. He looked like he hadn’t shaved in a few days. The other man had on a white lab coat and was sporting a neatly trimmed beard.

“I’m Dr. Crowley and I just need to give you a quick exam. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“Your accent ain’t that bad,” Deans said, voice gravelly from disuse. Dean turned at the chuckle from the blue eyed guy.

“Dean, thank God, I’m so glad you’re okay.” The man took Dean’s hand and held it. Held it like…Dean snatched his hand away.

“Dude, personal space, man. Who are you?”

The blue eyed man looked like Dean had slapped him. Confusion showed on Dean’s face as the doctor motioned for the other man to leave the room. Dean saw…was that pain…in the other man’s eyes. He walked through the door leaving Dean and the doctor alone.

The doctor looked into Dean’s eyes with a penlight, checked his reflexes and quickly took his vitals.

“Do you know your name?”

“Dean. Dean Winchester.”

“Do you know where you are?”

“A hospital, duh.” Dean answered. “Hey, my throat is all kinds of dry, could I have some water?”

The doctor poured water from a pitcher next to the bed into a Styrofoam cup and held it to Dean’s lips. Dean thought the cool water was the best thing he’d ever tasted. He raised his hand to take the cup and saw the IV tubes in his hand.

“Hey, doc, what happened?”

“You don’t remember anything about your accident?” The doctor stared at him intently, hands in his lab coat pockets.

“Accident?”

“Mr. Winchester, do you know what year it is?”

“Yeah, 2014.”

“Correct. Who is the president?”

“Obama.”

“Okay, what about the gentleman that was just in here. Do you remember him?”

“No.”

“Do you have any siblings or family?”

“Yeah, my brother, Sammy and my father, John.”

The doctor quirked one eyebrow. “Well, I’m going to let you rest and I’ll come back to check on you later.”

“Hey, will you get me my cell phone so I can call Sam and tell him I’m in the hospital?”

“Your brother is aware you are here, Mr. Winchester. He’s been to visit several times. I’m sure your….I’m sure he’s been called.”

“What? How long have I been in here? And what accident?”

“You’ve been in a coma for ten days. You were involved in a traffic accident on November 28th. Today is Sunday, December 7th.

“Son of a bitch. Ten days?” Dean tried to sit up, but a wave of dizziness hit him and he sank back into the pillow. Then it hit him…”Baby, is Baby alright?”

“I wasn’t aware that you and Mr. Novak had…” The doctor trailed off and started again, “I wasn’t aware that you had children, Mr. Winchester.”

“Baby isn’t a kid. She’s my car. Do you know if she’s okay?”

“I’m not sure about your car. Perhaps when your brother gets here, he can answer your questions.”

When the doctor left, Dean lay staring at the tiled ceiling. He hoped Sammy got here soon. He needed to get out of this hospital and they had to get on the road again to find their dad.

***

Cas leaned against the wall in the corridor outside of Dean’ room. He’d called Sam as soon as Dean woke. He should be here soon. The doctor had been in there a long time. He couldn’t understand why Dean didn’t seem to remember him.

When the doctor stepped out and closed Dean’s door, Cas straightened. “Is he okay? Does he know what happened?”

Before the doctor could answer, Sam came running down the hallway.

“How is he?” Sam said breathlessly.

“Why don’t we go to my office and talk for a few minutes,” the doctor said quietly.

“Can’t I see him?” Sam put his hand on the handle of the door, but Cas covered it with his own. “Sam, let’s go see what the doctor has to say.

***

“So, you’re saying that Dean remembers me, his car and our father, but not Cas or the accident?”

“Apparently there is some short term memory loss. I don’t know to what extent or the severity yet.” The doctor sat behind a large oak desk, Sam and Cas were in the chairs in front, facing the doctor.

“He didn’t recognize me at all,” Cas whispered, still in a state of shock.

“Cas and Dean have been together for three years, Doc. That’s not short term memory. Short term is like what he ate for breakfast yesterday.”

“I don’t know how the human mind works, Mr. Winchester. All I can tell you is he does remember certain things. He’s alert. Physically, he’s recovered from the accident.”

“What can we do? Should we bring pictures, some of the videos we’ve made?” Sam asked.

“I would not over stimulate at this point in time. My advice is to let Dean remember on his own. You can correct certain things, such as the fact that your father is deceased, but use your best judgment. If he gets agitated, don’t press. Once he’s in his own home, he may remember everything.”

What if he doesn’t?” Cas looked directly at the doctor for the first time since sitting down.

“Mr. Novak, I know this is painful for you, but I just don’t know.”

Sam put a comforting hand on Cas’ arm.

Out in the hall again, Sam looked at Cas and his heart bled for the man. Cas and his brother were so in love. They were planning on marrying in the spring. They’d even talked about adopting a child or hiring a surrogate.

When they got to Dean’s room, Sam saw Cas hesitate. “He’s going to be fine, Cas. Maybe he didn’t remember things because he just woke up. How could he forget the love of his life?” Sam smiled, hoping to make Cas feel better.

“Perhaps you should go in and I’ll just wait…maybe get some coffee or something.”

“Cas…”

“Go see him, Sam.” Cas turned and walked down the corridor, head down.

Sam took a deep breath and entered his brother’s room.

“Sammy!” Dean called out, and then he stopped, mouth open. “When did you cut your hair?”

“Dean, I’ve had my hair like this since I started work at Jackson, Riggs and McKee.”

“Huh?” Dean looked really confused.

“The law firm…” Sam saw the puzzled look and closed his eyes for a second.

“Dean, I graduated from Stanford in 2010. I’ve been with this firm for four years.”

“No…come on, Sam.” Dean just shook his head.

“What do you remember?”

“I picked you up at Stanford a couple weeks ago, met your little girlfriend and we went hunting for Dad. Don’t you remember? The wendigo almost killed us…”

“Wendigo? I don’t even know what that is. And Dean, Dad died of a heart attack six years ago.”

“No…shut up, Sam. You just shut up!” Dean was very agitated and Sam was worried that he might pull out his IV.

“Calm down, Dean. You were in an accident, but everything will be okay now. We’ll get you home and Cas can take care of you. It’ll be alright.” Sam tried to keep his voice calm, like he was talking to a wounded animal.

“You’re lying. Dad isn’t…isn’t dead. He went on a hunt. We’ve got to find him, Sam.”

“Dean…” Sam just shook his head sadly.

“The demon that killed mom, he’s still out there.”

Sam winced at the thought of their long dead mother. “Mom died in a house fire when we were small, Dean.”

“It was the demon, Sam. He killed her.”

“The doctor says you can go home tomorrow. I’m going to go and let you rest. It’ll be okay tomorrow.” Sam touched his brother’s hand.

“How’s Baby. How bad was she damaged?”

“You were driving the SUV, Cas had the Impala that day.”

“Who the fuck is Cas? Why was he driving my car?”

“You had to pick up some things from Home Depot, so you took Cas’ SUV and Cas kept…Baby.”

“What the fuck did I need at a home improvement store? Who is Cas?”

“Cas is your…boyfriend.”

Dean howled in laughter. “See, now I know you’re fucking with me. Where’s the camera, Bitch.” Dean looked around the room like he expected to see a video camera.

“Dean, please. I’m not…”

“Shut up, Sam, this isn’t funny anymore.”

“I’ll go now. I’ll come back in the morning and we’ll take you home.” Sam backed out of the room. As soon as the door closed behind him, Sam wiped at the tear in the corner of his eye.

Cas found him a few minutes later, sitting in the atrium that served as one of the waiting rooms. “Sam, how…how is he.”

Sam looked up at his friend and Cas saw it in his eyes. “He doesn’t remember me at all, does he?”

The other man just shook his head and Cas felt a stab of pain somewhere in his chest. He sank down in one of the plastic chairs and put his hands over his face. Sam watched as silent sobs racked the other man’s body.


	2. Chapter 2 - A Home Forgotten

Cas thought it would be better if Sam picked up Dean by himself. While he waited, Cas made sure the house was spotless, not that he’d been there a lot since the accident. 

Dean and Cas had put up the Christmas tree the morning of the accident, so the majestic spruce stood in the corner of their living room. Cas hadn’t turned on the lights since he’d gotten the call from the hospital. He stared at the tree and the garland over their fireplace and let his mind go back to that morning.

The two of them got up early and bundled up in their warmest coats and then drove to the Christmas tree farm a few miles from the city. Cas picked out a six foot Douglas Fir, but Dean insisted on getting the 12 foot Spruce. He reasoned that since their living room had cathedral ceilings, the smaller tree would be lost. Cas was glad they’d taken his SUV, even still, the tree stuck out several feet behind the Expedition. Cas smiled, remembering the two of them wrestling the huge tree into the house. The rest of the morning was spent putting on the lights and decorations. After lunch, Dean took the SUV because he needed pick up a few more things for the downstairs bathroom remodeling project. Dean had only been gone thirty minutes when the hospital called him.

Dean was about to turn into the Home Depot when a van ran the red light, hitting him broadside. Dean’s injuries were superficial except for the blow he took when his head struck the side window. Over the ten days, Cas had watch Dean’s cuts and bruises heal. Cas had thanked God daily that Dean was not in the Impala. His injuries would have been a lot worse had it not been for the heavy vehicle and the air bags.

Cas took one last look around the house and then glanced at his watch. Sam sent him a text when they’d left the hospital, so they would be here any minute. He had followed the doctor’s suggestions and removed all the pictures of the two of them. They were all in a drawer in Cas’ office. 

He heard a car pull up in the driveway and suddenly he couldn’t seem to catch his breath. What if Dean never got his memory back? What would he do?

Nervously, he looked out the window. He quickly looked around. He should act natural, like he wasn’t waiting. He quickly went into the kitchen and pulled a glass out of the cabinet and began filling it with ice. 

***

When Sam pulled into the driveway, Dean looked up at the beautiful weathered gray house. It was two stories tall, with a huge stone fireplace on the front of the house. Leaded glass paned windows framed the front door and there was an attached garage on the left of the house. 

“So, this is supposed to be my house?”

“Yours and…”

“Don’t say it, Sam. I am not…I like women, okay. I’m not sure what the hell is going on here, but I’m not a homo.”

Sam got out of the car and Dean followed more slowly. He stopped near the garage and then peered into one of the windows. Baby sat inside, polished so she glistened in the sunlight streaming in through the windows. On one wall of the double garage was a wall to wall workbench. Tools were hung on the wall and a large red, rolling toolbox was sitting near the back wall.

He turned and gave Sam an angry look. “Someone went through a lot of trouble…maybe a witch or something. We need to call Bobby and ask him about it. Maybe this Cas guy is a witch. That would explain a lot, Sam.”

Sam looked down at his feet. “Dean, Cas isn’t a witch. He’s a normal guy who loves you very…”

“Shut up, Sam!” Dean roared, pushing against his brother’s chest. “Don’t ever say that again. He’s probably got you under some sort of spell too. I’ve got to talk to Bobby.”

“Bobby and Ellen are going to come over tomorrow night. I told them that we wanted to get you settled before everybody showed up. The doctor said for us to take things slow.”

“Bobby and Ellen? Together? What the fuck?”

“Bobby and Ellen have been married for four years, Dean. You were his best man.”

“I have to talk to Bobby. This whole thing is fucked up.” Dean pulled out his cell phone and stared at it. “Whose phone is this?”

Sam looked at it. “It’s yours.”

“No, it isn’t.”

“You and Cas just upgraded to the Iphone 5 a couple months ago.”

“Don’t mention him again, Sam.”

Sam exhaled loudly. “Look, let’s just go inside and see if you remember anything.”

Dean was still staring at his phone, trying to find the contacts list and he didn’t look up. “This is like a freakin’ computer. What happened to all the phones I had? Are they in the Impala?”

“Dean, you only have one phone.”

“Right.” Dean finally found the listing for Bobby and placed the call. Sam leaned against the garage door and sighed.

“Bobby, hey, it’s Dean. Yeah, something’s going on….yeah, yeah, I’m fine. No, Sam’s brought me to some house. I think a witch may have cast a spell or something. Can you meet us somewhere? I just need to get Baby out of this garage and….what? Why are you laughing. Yeah, a witch.” Dean scowled at the phone and handed it to Sam. “He wants to talk to you.”

“Hey, Bobby. Yeah, just got him home….Still in the driveway…I’ve tried to explain…okay, see you guys tomorrow.”  
Sam disconnected the call and handed the phone back to Dean.

“Can we go in now?”

“I’m not going in there. Just help me get the garage open. Once we get Baby, we can find a hotel somewhere and regroup.”

Sam didn’t bother with an answer; he just turned and opened the front door, leaving Dean standing there. Dean paced. He stopped and gave the front door his best ‘bitch face’. He started to get chilled just standing there and with a growl, he opened the door.

He felt like he stepped down the rabbit hole. The room was huge with the fireplace taking up the entire front wall. There were stocking hung on the mantle. He counted eight. He took in the names, Dean, Cas, Sam, Bobby, Ellen, Jo, Charlie, Garth. He had no idea who Charlie and Garth were. He didn’t know who Cas was either, but he figured he was at the root of all the weird shit that was going on.

Dean scanned the room again, noting the tall Christmas tree in the corner of the room, right next to a baby grand piano. A guitar was hung on the wall behind the piano. And there was Sam, standing next to the guy with the blue eyes. They stood next to a hall and past them; Dean saw a dining room and kitchen.

“Well, this looks like something off the Hallmark Channel,” Dean said sarcastically. He saw Sam place his hand on the other guy’s arm. Dean noted with satisfaction that the blue eyed witch’s face drained of color.

“Dean, quit being a dick,” Sam said sharply.

“Me? This guy cast some spell over us. We need to just gank him and get the hell out of Dodge.”

“Sam, I’ll just go upstairs to my office. You can show him around. I’m obviously making him uncomfortable.” Cas would not even look in Dean’s direction as he spoke to Sam. He turned away and disappeared down the hall.

Sam stared after him for a second or two and then turned back to Dean. “Come on, let me show you around.”

“All I care about is seeing Baby and getting the fuck out of here.” Suddenly, Dean saw himself and the blue eyed guy. He was at the piano and Dean was standing beside him with the guitar. Dean had his booted foot up on the piano bench next to… His vision cleared and he was back with Sam. 

“You okay?” Sam stepped forward, concern on his face. 

“Yeah, it was nothing.”


	3. Chapter 3 - More Than a Memory

Sam led the way through the dining room. Dean noted a few empty spaces on the wall, but didn’t comment. They entered the large kitchen and Dean admitted to himself that he was impressed. The room had a tile floor and granite countertops. All the appliances were stainless steel. Sam seemed resigned and didn’t even bother to speak. At the end of a small hallway, there was a staircase. 

“What about the garage?”

“We’ll get to it.” Sam told him, without turning around. Dean followed his brother up the stairs, again he noted that there were empty spaces on the wall. He stopped to look at a few pictures. There were several of Sam – in a cap and gown, with Dean leaning on the Impala, at a wedding…that was Bobby…Ellen beside him in a long, white gown. He hurried to the top of the stairs to catch up with Sam.

“Guest room.” Sam just pointed into a tastefully decorated bedroom. “Cas’ office.” He pointed to the closed door.  
“Hall bath.” Sam waited while Dean poked his head into the bathroom. “Master.” Sam stepped to the side so Dean could enter. The room had a fireplace just like the one downstairs but on a smaller scale. A king size, four-poster bed was on one wall, the comforter was brown and tan geometric shapes. A matching armoire and dresser were the only other furniture. Dean opened a door and was taken aback by the size of the closet. One side held suits, shirts and slacks, all hung up by type and color. The other side held t-shirts, casual button down shirts and a shelving unit that held several stacks of jeans. On the floor were rows of boots, tennis shoes and dress shoes. Dean touched a leather jacket and his vision blurred. He saw the blue eyed guy wearing the jacket standing by a lake, the wind ruffling his hair. Dean turned off the light and closed the closet door. The master bath’s door was open and Dean walked in.

“Damn.” Dean whistled. There was a glass-enclosed shower that would hold a basketball team, a whirlpool tub and the counter was granite with two sinks. On one side of the counter were several hair products for men, the other side was empty. When Sam saw him staring intently at the hair care items, he laughed. “They’re yours. Cas is the wash and wear type.” Dean recalled the other man’s hair, it looked like he’d just rolled out of bed, but not in a bad way.

When Sam led the way out of the bedroom, Dean glanced at the closed door. A strip of light shone under the door.

Sam took him back to the kitchen and through a laundry room. He pushed a door open and gestured for Dean to go ahead of him. Dean stepped down into the two-car garage. Baby sat in the middle of the floor. Dean went up to her and caressed her hood and roof. “Keys?”

“Seriously, you’re going to leave?”

“I need to get into the trunk.”

Sam pursed his lips together in a scowl, but pulled a set of keys off a hook by the back door. He tossed them to Dean, who caught them in one hand. Dean inserted the keys into the trunk and lifted the hatch. “What? Where is our stuff?”

“Our stuff?” Sam peered over his shoulder. “What are you talking about?”

“Damn it.” Dean scanned the toolbox, a folded blanket and a roadside emergency kit. He cursed and slammed down the hatch and then rubbed the car in apology.

“Dean, what were you looking for?”

“Nothing.” Dean was just damn confused and it was making his head hurt. 

“Dean, I’m going to go back to my place. My number is in your phone. Just stay here, look at things…talk to Cas.” At Dean’s face, Sam stopped talking and just nodded before he left the house.

Dean stood in the living room, one hand resting on the piano. He ran his hands across a few keys. His stomach picked that moment to tell him he was hungry. “Well, he said it was my house. I’m going to make myself at home.” Dean said to the empty room and went to the kitchen.

He opened the refrigerator and saw that it was stocked with several types of micro-brews. “There is a God.” He pulled one out and twisted off the top. The first sip made him smile. 

Dean found several types of deli meats and cheeses. He tossed them onto the island and after opening several cabinets, he finally found the bread in the microwave. The sandwich tasted great and he finished off his beer. The TV mounted above the mantle was huge. He found the remote, but after looking at it for several minutes, he realized he’d have to be a rocket scientist to figure it out. 

Bored, he paced the downstairs. He looked in all the cabinets in the kitchen and was awed by the gourmet cooking implements. The pantry held a ton of food and he remembered seeing an upright freezer in the garage. Somebody sure loved to cook.

As he washed up the plate and knife he used, he had another ‘vision’. This time, the blue eyed guy was stirring a pot on the stove and Dean was behind him, his arms wrapped around his waist, chin on his shoulder. Dean gripped the knife so hard that the blade cut into his palm. A small line of blood beaded up. He ran his hand under the tap and grabbed a paper towel to hold against it. 

Dean needed to get laid…that’s all…by a woman. Not some…not a guy…not that guy. He looked at the clock on the microwave and noted it was only eight o’clock. His thoughts turned to the man upstairs. He hadn’t come out of that room since early this afternoon. Dean wondered if he was hungry or thirsty. “He’s a big boy, let him take care of himself,” he muttered to himself.

Since he couldn’t figure out the TV, Dean pulled out his phone. This was one of the smart phones. Dean never needed one before, they’d just used cheap throwaways. While not as tech savvy as Sam, Dean could figure most things out. Within fifteen minutes, Dean was asking Mr. Google where the porn was.

He found the Busty Asian Beauties website and threw his feet up on the coffee table, pushing aside a huge book about the history of Rock & Roll. Dean paused to flip through it and saw writing on the first page. 

‘Dean, I love you. Happy birthday. C.’

Dean traced the words with his finger. “What the hell is going on?” Dean leaned back, phone and Busty Asian Beauties forgotten. He heard a toilet flush upstairs and his eyes went to the hallway. He didn’t realize he was holding his breath until he heard a door shut upstairs and then nothing.

He was tired. He could not remember the last time he went to bed before eleven, but all the time in the hospital must have weakened him. Ten days, he’d been asleep for ten days. Why was he so tired now? Dean climbed the stairs and stopped in the hallway. A light still shone from under the door of the office. He turned away and entered the master bedroom. 

As if he’d been there before, he opened a drawer in the dresser and found several pairs of folded flannel sleep pants. Once he stripped out of his clothes and pulled on the pajama bottoms, he stood in the middle of the room, not knowing what to do next. He felt guilty. Did the man shut up in the office even have a bed to sleep on? 

Dean found two toothbrushes by the sink, a blue one and a green one. He smirked, making a guess, picking the green one. After brushing his teeth, Dean went to the bed. On the left nightstand was a clock with Ipod deck, a Tom Clancy novel, and a pair of reading glasses. On the right, a clock radio, a crossword puzzle book and pen. He lay on the right side and it felt right. He turned to his side and looked down at the drawer. Curiosity got the better of him and he quietly opened the drawer. “Whoa…son of a bitch.” Dean shut the door quickly and lay back on the pillow staring at the ceiling.

Dean sat up when he heard the scraping noise from the office. Taking a deep breath, he stood. The walk to the office door was hard, twice Dean turned away. He stood outside the door, hand poised to knock, when the door opened. Blue eyes met his. Neither spoke. Dean broke the stare by looking past the other man into the room. A desk and computer were by the window and a sofa bed was pulled out. It was partially made. The other walls were covered in bookcases.

“Was there something you needed, Dean?”

“Uh…no…I just…I can sleep in here or on the couch…if you want the bed.”

Cas gave Dean a small smile. “You have been in the hospital for ten days, Dean, you can have our bed. I’ll be fine.”

“We…you and I…don’t have a bed. I don’t know what’s happened to me, but I do know I don’t play for your team.”

Dean saw the other man close his eyes before he turned away. “Go to bed, Dean.” And he pushed the door shut in Dean’s face. Dean just stood there, feeling like shit and not understanding why. 

Sleep came quickly for Dean, but his dreams were vivid and confusing. Cas, Sam had called him Cas, was in all of them.


	4. Chapter 4 - A Memory Like You

Cas awoke stiff and sore from sleeping on the foldout couch. He could have gone to the guest room, but this is where he’d put all the pictures. He reached across the bed to pick up the framed picture he’d slept next to; it was the one of him and Dean on their first year anniversary. They’d gone to New Orleans and had their picture taken in Jackson Square. The photographer had caught them both looking into each other’s eyes with St. Louis Cathedral in the background. He got out of bed and put the picture back into the file cabinet with the rest of them. 

Saturdays were always the day that the couple did their grocery shopping and ran errands. Now, he had a dilemma, his clothes were in the closet where Dean was sleeping. He’d promised himself to give Dean privacy, but he did need to dress. He showered in the guest bathroom and used a new toothpaste from the drawer. Hating the disposable razors they kept for guests, Cas refrained from shaving. With a towel wrapped around his waist, he gently pushed open the bedroom door and smiled.

Dean was on his side of the bed and Cas thought that a good sign that he may remember their lives together. By the looks of things, Dean also remembered he liked to sleep in the nude. The flannel pajama pants he wore last night were bunched up on the floor next to the bed. Cas walked silently across the carpet and quietly opened the closet door. He shut it behind him after he turned on the light. Their closet was big enough to move around in, so he figured he could dress without Dean being any wiser. 

***

Dean snapped awake and sat up. His eyes took in the room and for a few seconds, he didn’t know where he was. Then yesterday’s memories flooded back. Unfortunately, those were the only ones that came back to him. Something woke him up, but he wasn’t sure…wait, was that light coming from under the closet door? Without thinking it through, he pulled on the discarded pajama bottoms, walked to the closet and whipped open the door and froze.

Cas was in the process of putting on a pair of jeans, without underwear, since he forgot to grab them out of the dresser drawer. The jeans were mid-thigh and he was facing away from the door, giving Dean a great view of his perfect, tight ass.

When the door swung open, startling Cas, he turned quickly but his feet tangled in the jeans and he went down with a grunt. Neither man spoke for several seconds.

“I was trying not to wake you.” Cas mumbled, trying to cover himself with his hands.

Dean cocked his head sideways and bit down on his bottom lip. He was trying not to laugh at the situation, but he couldn’t hold back the lopsided smile. “Epic fail, Sport.”

He backed up, turned to leave the obviously embarrassed man alone, but turned back to call over his shoulder. “I thought you came out of the closet already.”

“Cute, Dean.” For that instant in time, Cas forgot about the accident and the loss of Dean’s memory, just focusing on the sound of Dean’s laughter.

Cas hauled himself to his feet, finished getting his jeans up and zipped, and pulled a KU sweatshirt over his head. When he walked into the bedroom, Dean was already in their bathroom. Cas heard the shower and wished he could step into the shower behind Dean and run his hands down his slick body. The last time they’d had sex was the night before the accident. They were cooking dinner and Dean wound up fucking him against the counter. They called for pizza because the chicken burned.

He slipped out of the bedroom and went downstairs. Cas started the coffee, setting out sugar for Dean, next to his favorite cup. He scrawled a note on the chalkboard, ‘Gone to the store, be back later. My number is in your cell if you need it.’

***

Dean shaved, brushed his teeth and dressed. He jogged downstairs, dressed in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. He smelled coffee and was pleasantly surprised that Cas had set out a mug and a sugar bowl by the coffeemaker. Dean looked at the mug. ’67 Impala’ was emblazoned on the mug and below that was a picture of Baby. Someone must have had this made for him. As he turned, he saw the chalkboard’s message.

Dean’s inquisitive nature won out and he bounded up the stairs. Pushing open the partially closed door of the office he stared at the unmade sofa bed. He sat at the computer for a few minutes, wanting to Google his accident, since no one would really talk to him about the details. Dean growled, ‘damn thing…password…” Frustrated, he spun around in the office chair and looked over the bookshelves. There were mainly reference books, but a few classics were thrown in the mix. The file cabinet was the next thing to catch his attention.

The first drawer held a bunch of file folders. Boring…., the next drawer held more of the same. Dean almost neglected to open the last drawer but something made him pull it out. It was stuffed with framed pictures. Dean sat in the silent room, taking out the pictures one by one. He knew these were the pictures that belonged in all the empty spaces on the walls. Each picture was of him and Cas. His hands shook as he went through the stack. This proved everything that Sam had told him. He was part of a couple, part of a couple with a man…with Cas.

He sat back clutching a beautifully framed picture of the two of them in tuxedos. He wondered about the occasion. With a new motivation, he opened the top drawer again. He began to pull out files. Checking the tabs, he saw the usual household bills, car maintenance files, credit card statements, and then his hand fell on one named ‘baby’. He pulled it out and sat back down heavily. There were documents from adoption agencies, both in the States and international. A form had been filled out, in Dean’s own handwriting. Inside the ‘Names of Adoptive Parents’ box were the names Dean Ross Winchester and Castiel James Novak.

Carefully, he put the file back exactly like he found it. Back in the bedroom, he picked up his cell phone and scrolled down to Sam’s number. It only rang twice.

“Dean? Are you okay?”

“Yeah…no…” Dean took a few deep breaths before continuing. “Sam, I found some…stuff…and damn it…I can’t think…”

“Is Cas there?”

“No. He left a note. Said he was going to the store.”

“Do you want me to come over?”

“Yeah.” Dean whispered the word into the phone.

“Give me ten minutes.”

Sam was there in seven. He let himself in and found Dean in the living room staring at the Christmas tree. He sat across from Dean and waited for his older brother to speak.

“I found this.” Dean handed Sam the framed picture. “It was in a drawer with a bunch more pictures.”

“The doctor told Cas that you needed to remember on your own and the pictures might over-stimulate you.” Sam looked down at the picture. “This was taken at Bobby and Ellen’s wedding.”

“So.” Dean said, staring at his hands.

“Dean, I can’t imagine what you’re going through. All I can tell you is that you and Cas…” Sam paused and looked up at the tree, “Well, I just hope I can find someone that makes me as happy as you made each other.”

“If what we had was so damn perfect, why can’t I remember him? Why do I remember stuff that didn’t happen…like Dad?”

“I just don’t know, Dean.”

“I remembered where my sleep pants were kept. I knew right where the towels were. I just think I’d remember if I was with…a man.”

Sam gave a small, sad chuckle. “When you were in high school, you crushed on Joey Lyons, but you were dating Lisa. Remember her?”

“Yeah, yeah, I do.” 

“I found out about the crush because I…” Sam looked sheepish, “because I was in your room and…God this is embarrassing….” Sam’s face was beet red.

“What did you do?” 

“I was in your room and I heard you coming up the stairs. You always said you’d beat the shit out of me if you caught me in your room, so I hid under your bed.” Sam stared down at his feet.

“And?” Dean wasn’t sure he wanted to hear the rest of this story.

“You locked your door and well, you…”

“Son of a bitch, you were under my bed while I was jacking off. That’s so…I don’t even want to think about…urrrgh.”

“How do you think I felt? Then you started telling Joey to touch you…to…uhm…well, you get the drift.” 

Dean could not speak. He flopped back on the couch and closed his eyes. 

“Honestly, Dean, I don’t think you ever acted on it. Maybe you did, I don’t know. You always went out with girls, but you never stayed with one very long. And then you met Cas and…and I guess you found the one.”

“I need to think.” Dean said quietly, not opening his eyes.

“Bobby and Ellen want to come over to see you, but I think I’ll tell them to come over later in the week.”

“Might be a good idea.”

Sam stood. “Dean, just…please don’t shut Cas out.”


	5. Chapter 5 - Something to Remember

Cas hit the button on the garage door opener and pulled the Impala into the garage. With his arms loaded with several plastic grocery bags, he used two fingers to open the back door. The groceries were set on the center island and he returned to the car for the next load. His head was in the trunk and he was reaching for the last bag that had rolled to the back, when he heard Dean’s voice.

“Need help?”

Cas stood up, a jumbo pack of toilet paper under one arm and the remaining bags gripped in his left hand. 

“I got it. Thanks.”

Dean stepped back to allow Cas to enter the kitchen. Without asking, Dean began to unpack the groceries. Cas watched as Dean placed all the refrigerated items in one section of the counter, the frozen stuff in another area and all the staples and canned foods near the pantry. He smiled at Dean.

“This is what you always do.” 

“What?”

“You separate everything out like this. I used to tease you about having OCD.” 

Dean picked up on Cas’ use of the past tense, but chose not to comment. He opened the refrigerator and began shelving the items in their correct places. Cas took all the frozen food out to the garage to put in the freezer. They worked silently putting away the remaining groceries. Each of the men would glance at the other and then look away if caught. 

When the last box of Dean’s Chocolate Flavored Cheerios was in the pantry, Cas mentioned Bobby and Ellen’s visit.

“I bought the chicken breasts for tonight and I thought we could maybe roast some potatoes and round it out with a salad. If that’s okay with you?”

“I talked to Sam this morning and we decided to postpone their visit until later in the week.”

“Oh. Okay, whatever you think is best.” Cas picked up Dean’s coffee cup out of the dish drainer and opened a cabinet to put it away.

“Did someone have that made for me?” 

Cas stopped and held the mug, staring at it, absently rubbing his thumb over the words. “I did.” Cas put it away and closed the cabinet. “Christmas, two years ago. I put it in your stocking.”

“I guess you know me pretty well.” Dean was leaning on the counter, arms across his chest. 

Cas matched Dean’s position, with the center island separating them. “I’d like to think so.”

“What’s my favorite color?”

Cas gave him a wry smile. “Blue.”

“Could be a lucky guess.”

Cas nodded, “Could be.”

“Favorite band?”

“A toss-up between AC/DC and Metallica. Depends on your mood.”

“How did we meet?”

“I brought my car to your garage for a tune-up and you told me that you hated Japanese cars. I thought you were an asshole. I got ready to leave, but you said you would make an exception and work on my car because my eyes were blue and that was your favorite color. You left your phone number on a post-it note attached to my rearview mirror. I called you and asked you to dinner. You picked me up in the Impala because you would not ride in my Japanese ‘crap’. You complained about the restaurant I chose. You complained about the rain. You complained about the neighborhood I lived in.”

“And we had a second date?” Dean asked disbelievingly.

“You walked me to my door and kissed me. I couldn’t remember my name after that kiss.” Cas’ eyes locked onto Dean’s. 

“Oh…well…” Dean felt the blood rush to his face and he knew he was blushing. He pushed off from the counter and walked out the back door into the garage.

Cas rubbed a hand over his eyes. “That went well,” he muttered. For the next hour, Cas walked from room to room, trying to find something to occupy his time. He could have worked. He had several books he was on a deadline to edit, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to concentrate. Upstairs, he made their…Dean’s bed and then he folded up the sofa bed. Tonight, he was sleeping in the guest room because he didn’t think his back could take another night on the torture device in the office.

***

In the garage, Dean opened and closed the drawers to his toolbox. Then he opened the door leading to the backyard. The leaves needed raking, otherwise everything looked like a typical backyard. Nice deck, big ass grill, patio furniture and…a hot tub. Dean stared at it and closed his eyes as another memory pushed into his mind. Dean and Cas in the hot tub and Cas laughingly telling Dean he couldn’t come in the hot tub because it was gross. Dean telling those laughing blue eyes that the hot tub had a great filtering system. Their two bodies entwined as the steam from the hot water rose around them. Dean slammed the back door with more force than necessary.

Dean opened the driver’s door of the Impala, but before he got in, he noticed a backpack on the back seat. It looked vaguely familiar. He reached around and unlocked the back door. He unzipped it and pulled out two paperback books rubber-banded together. They were by a guy named Carver Edlund. One was titled Supernatural and the other titled, Wendigo. There was a post-it note under the rubber band. 

‘Found these at a used bookstore. The main characters are named Sam and Dean. Freakin’ nuts, right.’

It was signed Charlie. Charlie was a redhead. Dean was sure of it. The books…

He ran into the house. “Cas!”

Cas thundered down the stairs. “What is it? You okay?”

He held the books out to Cas. “Look at this.”

Cas took the books and glanced at them. “Dean, are you sure you’re okay?”

“Look at the God damn books, Cas! Read the note.” Dean jumped up so he was sitting on the counter, waiting for Cas’ reaction.

Cas read the note, his brow furrowing in confusion. He pulled the rubber band off the books and turned them over, reading the back of each book. Then he read the note again. “Charlie gave you these?”

“Yeah, I remembered. She brought them to me at the garage a few weeks back. She thought it was funny that the main characters were named Sam and Dean. I remembered Charlie and the garage. I remembered reading them on my lunch hour. I rememberd.”

Cas grinned. “You remembered.” Cas stepped between Dean’s legs and kissed him. He looked at Dean in shock when he was pushed away. 

“I’m sorry…I still don’t…”

Cas closed his eyes and bit his lip, exhaling, he opened his eyes. “You don’t remember me.”

“I’m sorry…”

“Don’t…” Cas held up his hand and tossed the books on the island, then turned and left the kitchen. A few seconds later, Dean heard him running up the stairs and then a door slam.

“Damn it.” Dean ran his fingers through his hair. “Fuck!” he roared and sent a canister of coffee flying off the counter. It hit the tile floor and exploded. Shards of glass and coffee were everywhere.

He jumped off the counter and a minute later, the garage doors went up. The Impala’s tires squealed as they left the driveway. He had to talk to someone.

***

Cas slammed the office door and stood in the middle of the room, hands fisted at his side, breathing heavy. Then he sank down on his knees. “God, please…please.” He began to cry. Sobs wracked his body. He heard the roar of the Impala’s engines and then the squeal of tires. “No…” He flew down the stairs and ran out the front door, only to see the Impala turn the corner at the end of their street. 

“Sam…God…Sam…Dean….” Cas cried into his cell.

“Cas…slow down. Tell me what’s going on.”

Cas took a few deep breaths and told Sam everything. “Okay, Cas, just try to calm down. I’ll call his cell. We’ll fix this.”

Cas ended the call and went back inside the house. He found the mess in the kitchen and resigned, he got the broom out and began cleaning it up. Afterwards, he sat in the living room staring at the tall tree and wished for a miracle. The afternoon sun began to set and Cas still sat. When he heard the Impala pull into the drive, he gave a silent thanks to God and then he went upstairs to the office and closed the door.

***

Dean drove west, at first he didn’t know where he was going, he found himself on Main Street. He hung a right and drove out of town. A mile past the city limits sign, stood the Roadhouse. When he walked through the door, he felt so many memories flooding back. 

“Dean! Mom, Dean’s here.” Jo ran up and pulled him into a hug. “We were so worried. And then Sam told us about…that you couldn’t remember anything. God, I’m so glad to see you.”

Dean returned her hug and over her head he saw Ellen coming towards him. She had tears in her eyes as she pulled him into her arms. “Oh, sweet, sweet boy.” After a fierce hug, she pushed him away, “Let me look at you. God, you look good.” The she looked behind him, “Where’s Cas?”

At his look, Ellen, pulled him back into another hug. “You still can’t remember him?”

Dean shook his head and then his cell rang. “Sam.” He said to the women and answered his brother’s call.

“Cas is worried sick. God damn it, Dean, what were you thinking? Driving off like that? Where the fuck are you?”

“I’m at the Roadhouse. With Ellen and Jo.”

“Stay there.”

Dean pushed the end button. 

When Sam arrived, Dean was drawn into an impromptu intervention. He was stuck on the inside of a booth, blocked on the outside by Ellen. Jo and Sam were sitting opposite of him and Bobby was in a chair on the end.

He told them about finding the books and how some of his memories were coming back. “Do you remember anything about Cas?” Jo asked, reaching over and holding his hand.

“I have these flashes…but I can’t…I saw the pictures…I know there was something…I know we were together, but…” Dean shrugged his shoulders apologetically.

“What time is your appointment Monday?” Sam asked.

“8:30.”

“Maybe he can shed some light on what’s going on in your pea brain,” Bobby said, which earned him a cuff on the side of his head by Ellen.

“What do I do between now and then?” Dean asked, staring down at the table.

Ellen reached over and took his hand. “You go home to Cas. You may not remember him, Honey. But he remembers you. The boy loves you more than life itself. You are everything to him.” At Dean’s look, she squeezed his hand. “I’m not saying do something you aren’t comfortable with, but talk to him, ask questions. I have faith, Dean. You were head over heels in love with that boy and I know you will be again.”

As Dean was leaving, Bobby pulled him to the side. “You know I don’t do this touchy-feely shit, but boy, you listen to Ellen. Go home. You may have lost your memory, but Cas has lost the love of his life. You just think about that.”

Dean drove home. He didn’t even turn on the radio. He needed the silence to think. The house was dark when he pulled up into the driveway. At the touch of a button, the garage opened and he pulled his Baby inside.


	6. Searching for a Memory

The first thing Dean noticed was Cas had cleaned up the mess he left in the kitchen. He felt a twinge of guilt. Cas was due an apology and replacement coffee. If Cas was anything like him, Dean would be making an early run somewhere for coffee in the morning.

Cas wasn’t downstairs. He was getting ready to head upstairs, when the tree caught his eye. The lights were never on and he wondered why. On his hands and knees, he searched under the tree for the cord. Lights came on when he plugged it in and hundreds of tiny white lights twinkled above him. As he was backing out from under the tree, he saw a few small gifts tucked in the back. He read the name on each one; there were four to Dean and only one for Cas. Cas’ name was written in his handwriting. He wondered what he’d gotten him.

Dean walked up the steps slowly. He was nervous, but he supposed he owed this to Cas. Bobby’s words had weighed heavily on him.

The office door was closed as he expected. He knocked. Dean heard movement and then the door slowly opened. Dean tried to keep his face neutral, but Cas looked so…was lost the word he was looking for? There were shadows under his eyes and Dean saw the dried tracks of tears.

Cas looked at him briefly and then down at the floor. “Was there something you needed, Dean?”

“No…yeah. Can I come in?” Cas stood aside and Dean went to the small sofa and sat down. Cas stood for a few seconds, like he wasn’t sure what to do with himself. “Sit down, Cas.”

He sat in his office chair, eyes on the screen saver, swirls of color making random patterns. 

“What’s the password?” Dean asked.

“You tried to log on to my computer?” Cas did turn and look at him then.

“While you were at the store.”

“It’s L.U.V.D.E.A.N.1.” Cas said softly. “You have a laptop.”

“Really? Where is it?”

“Under your side of the bed.” At Dean’s confused look, Cas smiled. “You usually play on the Internet while I’m reading.”

“Do you know my password?”

“We had no secrets, Dean. Your password is D.R.W. plus sign C.J.N.” 

“Oh,” Dean mouth formed a small ‘o’. After a moment, he said, “I found the pictures.”

Cas’ eyes flew to the file cabinet. “Nosy shit, aren’t you?” There was no heat in the words and Dean laughed. Their eyes met and Dean noticed how Cas’ eyes twinkled when he smiled.

“So, what happened to your Japanese crap car?”

“You told me you wouldn’t move in with me until I got rid of it. So, I traded it in on the Expedition.”

“Yeah, sorry about your SUV. Insurance going to take care of it?”

“The accident wasn’t your fault. Please don’t apologize.” Cas’ voice had gotten lower and huskier and Dean found that he liked it.

“I have the insurance check but just haven’t…had time…” Cas let his sentence trail off. Dean understood. He’d been in the hospital and Cas wasn’t the type to be car shopping when someone he loved was hurt. He didn’t know how he knew that, but he just did.

“You should get a Mustang convertible.” Dean suggested.

Cas laughed softly. “We need a SUV or at least a pickup with a club cab for all your trips to Home Depot.”

They sat in silence for a few more minutes, and then Cas’ elbow accidently bumped his mouse. The screen saver stopped and Dean gaped at the wallpaper on the screen. It was him, naked, on the floor in front of their fireplace and he looked…hell, he looked like he’d just had hot monkey sex. There were hickeys on his rib cage and neck. “Uhm,” Dean managed to point and Cas turned. 

“Shit.” He clicked on a random icon to open a document. “Sorry.”

Dean knew his face was red, but he managed to keep his sense of humor. “I hope you don’t let just anyone up here to use your computer.”

Cas chuckled. “No one sees pictures like that but me.”

“Pictures…as in plural?”

“Photography is a hobby of mine and I’ve got…I had a great model.”

Once again, the silence stretched out, but Dean realized it wasn’t uncomfortable. “You know you don’t have to stay locked up in here, this is your house too.”

“I just think it’s best if I stay away…” Cas paused. “Dean, this is hard for me. I want…I need to…it’s just hard being around you and not…make you uncomfortable.”

Dean nodded in understanding. “I get that.”

Dean stood and walked to the bookcases. He ran his fingers over the spines. His next questions shocked him just as much as it did Cas.

“So, am I the top…or…you know?”

“Wow, so not a question I expected from this Dean.” Cas sat back, arms crossed over his chest.

“This Dean?”

“Sorry, in my head I have to categorize you into ‘my Dean’ and ‘this Dean’. It helps me cope.”

Waves of guilt washed over Dean. “Cas, I’m sorry.”

“Please don’t apologize for what you can’t control.” Cas gave him a small smile, but Dean noticed that it didn’t reach the other man’s eyes this time.

“Sooooo, back to my question…” Dean raised an eyebrow.

“We’ve never put labels on our sex life, Dean. Sometimes I’m a bottom, for lack of a better word, and sometimes you’re…” Cas held up his hands in a supplication.

“Getting plowed?” Dean finished Cas’ sentence and Cas grinned. Dean smiled in return, noting the twinkle was back in those pretty blue eyes.

Cas stood up. “Did you eat while you were out?”

“No. And I was at the Roadhouse with Ellen, Sam, Jo and Bobby.”

“I know, Sam called me, as did Jo…and Ellen.”

“I’m hungry, let’s go raid the kitchen.” Dean led the way out of the office. Halfway down the stairs, Dean glanced at the wall of pictures. “You can put the pictures back, if you want.”

“Maybe tomorrow.” Cas stopped at the doorway to the kitchen and turned to look into the living room. “You plugged in the tree.”

“Yeah. Why have a Christmas tree if it’s not lit up?”

“I just…I haven’t had them on since the accident.” Cas stared at the beautiful tree and wondered what this Christmas would be like.

When Cas entered the kitchen, Dean had his head stuck in the refrigerator. “How does a chicken breast and bacon sandwich sound.”

“That’s fine.” Cas leaned against the counter and watched Dean, totally at home in their kitchen, pulling out ingredients, a skillet and a sauté pan. After seasoning the chicken breasts, Dean placed them in the sauté pan with a drizzle of olive oil. The bacon was laid in the skillet and soon the room smelled wonderful and Cas’ stomach growled loudly.

“Dude, settle that monster down. We’ll be eating soon.” Dean laughed at the other man. Cas gave him a lopsided smile and pulled two plates out of the cabinet. While Dean cooked, Cas got two beers out of the refrigerator and twisted the tops off. Their fingers touched when he handed Dean one of the bottles. Dean tried hard not to react, but he felt the warmth of Cas’ touch and he was transported to a different time. A very naked Cas was up on the kitchen counter, Dean’s hands held his thighs up and out and Dean’s mouth was licking Cas’ hole. Cas was trembling under him and making the most erotic noises...and on his shoulder, a large tribal tattoo, almost to the elbow, across the shoulder disappearing around his back.”

“Dean. DEAN!” 

Dean shook himself out of the…was that a memory… “Uhm, dinner’s ready.”

Cas didn’t comment on the bacon that was a little too well done and Dean pretended he liked his bacon that crisp.

Dinner was eaten in the living room with the TV on a Netflix episode of Sherlock. Dean sat on one end of the couch and Cas sat in one of the recliners. His eyes were drawn to Cas when he thought Cas was watching the TV. When Cas moved to set his plate on the coffee table, the collar of the sweatshirt pulled down revealing his collar bone and there it was, a touch of ink.

“Cas?”

“Hmm?” 

“When did you get your ink?”

Cas’ head whipped around. “How’d you…do you remember?” Cas stopped abruptly. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to push you about remembering…stuff.” 

“You don’t have to tiptoe around me, Cas.”

“I had the tat done the year I graduated from KU.”

“Can I see it?”

Cas gave a tight nod and grabbed the bottom of his sweatshirt and then in one fluid motion, pulled it over his head.

Dean’s mouth went dry. Cas’ body was taut, muscular without being too buff. His chest was smooth and the large tattoo stood stark against his pale skin. It was just as in Dean’s flash of memory. Thick bands of black wrapped around Cas’ bicep and continued down to right above his nipple, the tribal swirls went over his shoulder and down his back to finish down his side. 

“It’s beautiful.” Dean said softly. His eyes met Cas’ for a split second before traveling over the man’s ink again. Cas stood to put the sweatshirt on again, and as he raised his arms to pull it down, Dean fixated on the narrow trail of dark hair that disappeared into Cas’ jeans.


	7. Chapter 7 - For the Nights I Can't Remember

“So, I guess I’ll go clean up the kitchen.” Dean said, standing, needing to get away from Cas for a few minutes. 

“You cook. I clean. That’s how it works for us.” Cas also stood, taking his plate towards the kitchen. 

Dean watched as Cas placed the plates in the dishwasher and wiped off the stove and countertops. He popped the cap of another beer and chewed on his lower lip. Cas noticed. “Dean, you don’t have to hang around me. I’m capable of entertaining myself. Watch TV, play your guitar, it usually helps you relax. I’m going to get in the hot tub for a little while, sleeping on the sofa bed gave me a sore back.”

“Oh, sure, sure…I’ll just watch some TV then. You go ahead and do…your thing.” Dean just about ran out of the kitchen. God, Cas in that hot tub, why were his thoughts all crazy. He wasn’t…women…he liked women, he knew he did.

Cas disappeared upstairs and Dean found the channel guide on the TV. He had to find something with sex in it. Men and women sex…or even some woman on woman action. 

Hearing Cas’ tread on the stairs he glanced up. “Christ almighty.” 

“Huh?” Cas asked. He was wrapped in a large blue towel and he had an iPod in his hand, the earbuds strung around his neck.

“Nothing. I was just figuring out what to watch.” Dean stared intently at the TV, refusing to look at Cas again. He should put some damn clothes on. He heard Cas let himself out the French doors. He looked up but Cas had disappeared into the darkness of the backyard. 

Dean found one of the vanilla porn sites on a pay per view channel. When the payment window came up, credit card information was already stored. Yep, he watched porn…porn with women involved in sex acts…with men, otherwise the payment information wouldn’t be stored. Yep. Porn. Cas naked in the hot tub. He was naked under that towel, otherwise he’d just worn swim trunks. 

The movie started. A large breasted woman was laying poolside, topless. A very scrawny man was cleaning her pool. Why did all the guys in porn look like creeps? They could pick nice looking guys, like Cas. No…no, not Cas. Dean tossed the remote onto the couch and glanced at the French doors. 

Hey, they were getting along okay…like friends. A friend would bring another friend a beer if he was in a hot tub, because it would be hot in the hot tub. Dean headed for the kitchen.

Dean stepped out of the doors and onto the deck. There was just a sliver of moon so it took a second for his eyes to adjust.

“Dean? You need something?” Cas called out over the sound of the hot tub’s jets.

“No, just thought you might want a beer.” Dean stepped closer. Cas was up to his neck, hair wet and curling around his face, and he was watching Dean.

”Thanks, Dean.” He reached forward and took the offered beer. Dean stood there staring, Cas returning his own steady gaze.

“Well, I’m going to hit the sack. Maybe read or something.”

“Okay, Dean. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Dean backed up to the door. “Yeah, see you in the morning.”

Climbing the stairs, Dean berated himself for acting like a total dweeb. Cas probably thinks he’s suffering from brain damage or something. 

Closing the bedroom door, Dean undressed and tossed the dirty clothes in the hamper just inside the bathroom. He brushed his teeth and used the bathroom. After turning on the bedside lamp, he turned off the overhead light and crawled under the covers. Remembering what Cas said, he reached up under the bed and felt around. His hand found a Macbook and brought it up. Dean typed in the password and son of a bitch…there was a picture of Cas as the wallpaper. A naked Cas, laid out on a bed, not their bed, hand wrapped around his cock…his hard cock. Sweet mother of God, was that a nipple ring? He didn’t remember a nipple ring in his…whatever that thing in the kitchen was. 

Damn, Cas looked all mild mannered, but he had ink and a nipple ring. What else was he hiding? Any other kinky piercings? Nope, he didn’t want to know. Dean suddenly realized that the entire time he was lost in his thoughts, he was staring at Cas…or at least Cas’ dick. Dean shut the computer with a little more force than necessary. Cas was fucking with him. He told him about his laptop, gave him the freakin’ password and knew his porn picture would be all over the screen. 

Pissed at being played, Dean shoved the computer back under the bed and turned off the lamp. He lay in the darkness and ignored the feeling of fullness in his cock. Dean rolled to his side and punched the pillow. 

He thought he heard a door shut downstairs. Naked Cas with the ink and nipple ring was probably on his way upstairs. Dean flipped over on his back again. He heard the upstairs toilet flush and another door shut. Naked Cas with the ink and the nipple ring was getting ready for bed. 

“Sandra Bullock…Kate Beckinsale…Charlize Theron” Dean recited actresses he found attractive while his hand skimmed down over his stomach. He wrapped his fingers around his cock and gave a few experimental strokes. “Angelina Jolie…” Naked Cas with the ink and the nipple ring. “Son of a bitch,” Dean’s hand moved faster. “Kate Winslet.” Naked Cas…on the kitchen counter. “Fuck.” Dean arched his back and came hard. After his breathing returned to normal, he whipped the sheets off and sat up. Now he had a mess on the sheets. 

He stomped into the bathroom and cleaned himself up. When he returned to the bed, he went to the other side of the bed to sleep on dry, clean sheets.

***

Cas knew exactly what he was doing. He’d caught Dean’s eyes staring at him several times over the course of the evening. He’d lived with ‘his Dean’ long enough to recognize his horny look. He really hadn’t had a desire to get into the hot tub, but Dean’s face when he came down the stairs in the towel was priceless. He wondered if Dean had opened his Macbook yet. ‘His Dean’ loved that picture of him. Cas had sent it to him when he was in New York this past summer at a conference. Cas also knew Dean had remembered a few things. Like his tattoo. 

He stayed in the hot tub, because it really was relaxing, until he saw their bedroom light go out. Only then, did he come inside. After making sure the house was locked for the night, he went upstairs. He paused at the door to their bedroom, but didn’t hear anything. 

When he finally lay down on the guestroom bed, he felt hopeful for the first time since he’d gotten the call about Dean’s accident.


	8. Chapter 8 - The Memory Remains

Cas woke early the next morning and thought about the next part of his plan. Once again, he crept into their bedroom and grabbed the clothes he needed for the day. Dean was sprawled out on Cas’ side of the bed, which made Cas pause, perplexed, but then he saw the Macbook sticking out from under the bed. Cas had tucked it all the way under so he wouldn’t stub his toe on it when he made the bed, so that meant that Dean had used his computer and saw the picture. Cas grinned slyly. He’d bet anything that Dean would be washing sheets today.

He took his clothes back into the guest room and dressed for his run. The other set of clothes was for later. Downstairs, he started the coffee and set out Dean’s favorite cereal, a bowl and spoon. He wrote a short note just in case Dean woke before he got back. The morning was cold and while Cas stretched, puffs of vapor released with every breath. 

His run took him through their neighborhood, down the main street of town, around by S & W Automotive. He paused there on his weekday runs so he could swing in to see Dean and Bobby, grab a quick kiss from Dean before finishing his run. After passing the garage, he made a loop through the park and ran through the older section of town. Cas loved the stately old homes and the people who lived in them. Several of the older residents were always out at that time of the morning and would call out or wave to Cas as he ran by. Half way down the street, he stopped at Mrs. Birchfield’s house. She waited on her porch with cookies and hot cocoa, in the summer it was always lemonade. Cas figured the cookies and cocoa probably added just as many calories as he was running off, but he loved the elderly woman.

She was in her porch swing, wrapped in an old quilt, the thermos and plate of cookies on a wicker table beside her. “Cas, how is our boy?”

Cas poured his mug of cocoa and snatched up a peanut butter cookie. She knew they were his favorite. He sat beside her on the swing before speaking. “He remembers everything and everybody…except me. I do think he’s having flashes of memories of us, but…” he shrugged.

She patted his arm. “But not fast enough for you, huh?”

“No.” Cas took a sip from his mug.

“You both will be fine. Now, wrap up a few cookies for Dean and you bring him by when he feels up to it.” Cas used a napkin to wrap up two cookies, kissed the older woman’s cheek and finished his run. 

Despite the cold temperature, Cas was sweating when he let himself in the front door. Dean was putting some logs in the fireplace, but turned when Cas came in. 

“Have a good run?” 

“Yeah. And now I’m going to take my happy ass to the shower.” Cas started for the stairs, but stopped to ask, “What are your plans for the day?”

“I thought we’d just hang out here. You know, watch some movies or something.” Cas noted that Dean said ‘we’, but his plan wasn’t to hang out with Dean today.

“You should do that, just relax. I’ve got to go out though and probably be gone most of the day.” Cas was three steps up when Dean called out.

“Where are you going?” Cas loved how Dean sounded unhappy that Cas was leaving for the day.

“I’m driving over to Kansas City to have lunch with Gabe and his family; and then I thought I’d do some Christmas shopping at the mall.”

“Gabe?” 

“My brother. Guess you don’t remember him either.” Cas’ thoughts turned dark. It seemed Dean didn’t just block him from his memories, but all aspects of Cas’ life.

“Cas, I’m…”

“Don’t Dean. I told you not to apologize anymore.” Cas disappeared up the stairway.

***

Dean wasn’t sure what he was feeling. Not jealousy, Cas could do anything he wanted. He was just disappointed…no not that either. It was Sunday and Dean thought they could hang out. They were friends, right? Fine, he’d call Sam and they could spend the day together.

“Sam, hey, grab some beer and come over. We can hang out and watch movies.”

“Can’t, Dean. I’ve got a brief due on Tuesday, so I’m at the office.”

“Oh.”

“Where’s Cas?”

“He went to see his family and do Christmas shopping.” Dean hated the way his voice sounded. God, he sounded like a whiny, spoiled child.

“Whine much?”

“Fuck you, Sam.”

Sam just laughed and hung up the phone.

***

Sam sat back on this couch and propped up his feet before calling Cas. 

“He just called. He’s whining.”

Cas chuckled. “I hope this works, Sam.”

“It’ll work and if it doesn’t, he’s going to the doctor tomorrow. Maybe the doc can shed some light on it.”

“Yeah, well, thanks for playing along with this.”

***

Dean moped around the house. He stripped the bed and changed the sheets, throwing the dirty sheets in the washer. He turned on the TV but found nothing he was interested in. He finally decided to rake the backyard, at least that was productive. After the leaves were raked and bagged up next to the curb, he started the shower. When the water was good and hot, he let the jets beat down on him. He rolled his neck to get the kinks out and picked the shampoo. The citrus scent made his nostrils flare and another memory rolled through his mind.

Cas on his knees, water cascading over both of them. One of Cas’ hands gripped Dean’s ass, while the other gently squeezed his sac. Cas’ mouth was so hot and his tongue was pressing into the underside of Dean’s cock, right under the head. Dean watched Cas’ mouth moving up and down his shaft and moaned, his fingers pressed into Cas’ hair, pulling him closer, needing to get deeper. Cas changed the angle of his head and took Dean all the way in, causing Dean to gasp as a wave of pleasure washed over him. He was close, so damn close. Cas’ finger dipped into the crack of his ass and pressed down on his hole. 

“Close…” Dean panted, hips moving in time with Cas’ mouth.

Cas increased the suction, dipping his tongue into Dean’s slit at every pass. Dean grabbed onto the wall for support and emptied himself in Cas’ beautiful mouth. 

Standing, Cas took his mouth and let Dean taste his cum, their tongues moving as Dean swallowed his own juices. Dean’s hands roamed over Cas’ body until his fingers reached the nipple ring. He gently pulled on it and smiled against Cas’ lips as his lover whimpered. 

“Need you.” Cas murmured. Dean pulled away and picked up the bottle of baby oil they kept in the shower for moments like this. He turned to face the wall and poured baby oil into his hand before handing it to Cas. Dean spread his cheeks and began rubbing his slick finger around his entrance. He pushed in.

“I love watching you getting ready for me, Dean.” Cas’ words in his ear, raspy with lust, drove Dean crazy. His finger pushed all the way in and he started to fuck himself on it. 

“I’m going to fuck you until you scream.” Dean could feel Cas’ breath against his neck. Dean hissed as he pushed in another finger.

“Your ass is so sweet…to taste, to touch, to fuck.” Dean’s knees were weak. Cas’ voice was driving him mad.

“You want my dick, don’t you, Babe?” Dean was up to three fingers. “Yes, God, yes. Fuck me, Cas. Now.” Dean pulled his fingers out and blindly reached behind him for Cas’ cock. His hand slipped on the oil, but managed to position it where he needed it.

“Greedy…so greedy.” Cas murmured and then he pushed in, sinking all the way. Dean felt so full, he raised a leg to the edge of the shower enclosure and then gripped one of the shower heads. His hips rolled up so Cas’ cock pulled out a few inches. “Now, Cas. Hard. I want it fast and hard.”

Cas chuckled and thrust his hips forward, driving his cock deep inside Dean. He pulled out and thrust again and again. Wet skin slapped against wet skin, breathing became labored. Dean grunted as the head of Cas’ dick brushed his prostate over and over again.

“Is that it, Dean? Is that the right spot? Is that what you need?” Cas hands moved to pinch Dean’s nipples. 

“Yes.” Dean whispered.

“I didn’t hear you, Dean. Is this what you need?” 

“Yes…yes…yes.” Dean cried out. Cas bite down on his neck. “Can you come for me again, Dean? Can I make you come again?”

“Need you. Love you.” Dean voice cracked as another orgasm ripped through his body. Cas slammed into him again and again as Dean’s body milked him.

“Dean.” Cas screamed as he emptied himself inside his lover.

“Cas.” Dean cried out as he came, suddenly realizing his was alone. Shaking, he leaned against the shower wall. He couldn’t breathe. It had been so real, so damn real. It wasn’t a dream…it was a memory. Dean sank to the tiled floor as the rapidly cooling water ran over him.


	9. Chapter 9 - For the Nights I Can't Remember

By four, Dean had done the laundry, rearranged the pantry and swept the garage. He had even been nosy and gone through Cas’ desk. Now, he sat at Cas’ computer and typed in the password. And there he was in all his glory. He opened up the menu and glanced over the ‘C’ drive, but nothing interested him there. But Cas had two external drives. The first one must have just been for Cas’ job. The second one contained two files, one labeled ‘pictures’ and one was labeled ‘Dean’. 

Dean was torn between the two. He opened his file first. The file was full of copies of emails dating back to the time they first met. Cas had said he had OCD, but from the way this file was set up, Cas was the one with a touch of OCD. Each year had a file, and then they were broken down by month. Dean opened a few files randomly and read, but he felt like a voyeur. These were love letters between Cas and the Dean he used to be. 

He closed that file and opened the one called ‘pictures’. These were also set up by years, then months. Again, Dean just randomly picked a file and opens it. The file had 76 jpegs. He opened the first one and could not believe his eyes. Apparently, Cas and the other Dean were kinky sons of bitches. He was only on the third picture, when he heard the Impala pull into the garage. Quickly, he closed the files and logged off. He was at the top of the stairs when Cas appeared.

“You could have called.” Dean said angrily.

Cas cocked his head sideways and narrowed his eyes. He walked to the bottom of the stairs, blocking Dean’s decent. “Dean, if and when you get your memories of our relationship back is when you can talk to me like that.”

Dean felt like he’d been slapped. But Cas was right. Cas didn’t owe him an explanation, but damn it, he was still pissed.

Cas still didn’t move. They remained immobile and Dean felt like Cas was daring him to try and pass him. Dean’s anger flared and he moved down the steps, stopping one step above Cas. Cas’ eyes were at his chest level. “Even roommates are considerate to one another, Cas…tiel.” And when he brushed past Cas, their hips bumped against each other. 

“I’m going to The Roadhouse for a beer. Don’t know when I’ll be back.” Dean raised his eyebrow like he expected Cas to say something. 

“Fine.” 

“Fine,” Dean repeated. Cas was still standing on the stairs when he heard the Impala’s engine. 

*** 

“Damn it.” Cas wasn’t happy with this turn of events. He didn’t even know how to fall back and punt this one.

He sent a text to Sam to keep him informed. They traded text for a while until Sam had the whole story. Cas put his phone on the coffee table and when he glanced out of the French doors, he saw that Dean had raked the back yard. Opening the front door, he saw all the bags piled next to the curb. He hadn’t noticed them when he pulled in earlier, but he really hadn’t been paying attention. Upstairs, he went to the office and opened his computer and pulled up his security software. Dean had logged on at four and was on for an hour and twenty minutes. A few more keystrokes and he knew that Dean had looked at pictures and their emails. That made him feel a little better. He made one more stop…yep…new sheets on the bed and seeing the two baskets of folded laundry made him smile. 

Cas had plenty of work he could be doing to keep himself busy and it would keep his mind off Dean. He had faith that Ellen and Jo would not let him get into any trouble so he wasn’t that worried.

***

Dean pulled up at The Roadhouse, still pissed that Cas was gone all damn day without so much as a text. It wasn’t a boyfriend thing, it was all about consideration. 

Since it was only seven, The Roadhouse wasn’t crowded at all. Dean sat at the bar and waited until Jo finished stocking the beer cooler. Ellen wasn’t in sight.

Jo finally brought him a beer. “Where’s Cas?”

“I’m not his keeper.” Dean snapped.

“Hey, who shit in your Wheaties?”

“No one. If you want to play twenty questions, do it with someone else.”

Jo gave him a cool stare and walked off. He didn’t notice Ellen come out of her office until she wrapped her arms around him for a hug. “Hi, Dean. Good to see you here. Where’s Cas?”

“Why don’t you tell the rest of Cas’ fuckin’ fan club that it isn’t my day to watch him.”

Ellen pulled her arms back and she pulled herself up to her full height. “Dean Winchester, I believe I can still kick your ass. Don’t you get sassy with me. I don’t know what has your panties in a knot but if you’re going to be an shit, you can just take your ass home.” Dean winced as she stomped off.

“Gee, Dean, let’s see who else you can piss off.” Dean muttered under his breath. Dean nursed his beer and watched a NFL game on the TV above the bar. Around half past eight, people began to drift in. Dean’s eyes met those of a very attractive redhead who’d come in with a few other women. After her first trip to the bathroom, she stopped by Dean. He turned on his charm and gave her his best smile.

“I haven’t seen you in here before.” Dean winced at the dated pickup line but he had nothing else at the time.

“I’m here visiting my sister,” she said, pointing to a petite brunette. “I live in Kansas City.”

“That isn’t too far away.” Dean said, motioning for her to take the stool next to his. When he motioned for Jo to come get their drinks, Jo just glared at him. Ellen finally made her way over and coolly asked what Dean wanted. “The lady here wants a Cosmopolitan and I’ll take another beer.” Ellen turned away, but not before Dean heard her mutter “lady, my ass.”

When Dean came back from his visit from the bathroom, Hannah, the redhead, was back at the table with the other women. He smiled and pointed to the stool beside his. She scowled at him and turned away. He spun around to Jo, “What did you say to her?”

“To who?” Jo asked innocently.

“Mind your own fuckin’ business, Jo.”

Jo matched his glare and finally he tossed money on the bar and stomped out. He sat in the parking lot for several minutes before starting the car. At nine o’clock on a Sunday night, there wasn’t much else happening in Lawrence, Kansas, so he drove home, still feeling very out of sorts.

When he entered the house, he heard the music. Dean peeked around the corner and saw Cas sitting at the piano. He was playing a blues song. There was a fire going and the white lights twinkled in the Christmas tree. There were a few more packages under the tree.

Dean stepped into the room and Cas looked up but didn’t stop playing until the song ended.

“I’ve been a real shit.” Dean said, taking a few tentative steps towards the piano. 

“Come play a song with me and I’ll forgive you.”

Dean smiled and shook his head. “So, all I got to do is play a song, huh? God, you’re easy.”

***

Dean picked up his guitar off the rack on the wall and slung the strap around his shoulders. “What do you want to play?”

Cas knew he had to go all in. “I’ll start and you can join in.” 

Lean fingers on the piano keys played the opening notes and Cas watched Dean’s eyes carefully. He started the song off.

Dancin’ in the dark,  
Middle of the night,  
Takin’ your heart,  
And holdin’ it tight,

Dean’s eyes blinked and he strummed his guitar, not even hesitating on the notes. His voice was strong and true. 

Emotional touch,  
Touchin’ my skin,  
And askin’ you to do,  
What you’ve been doin’ all over again,

Dean’s eyes widened and he stared at Cas and Cas saw the raw emotion and knew that Dean remembered. Cas picked up the next stanza, singing the duet like they’d done a hundred times.

Oh, it’s a beautiful thing,  
Don’t think I can keep it all in,  
I just gotta let you know,  
What it is that won’t let me go,

Their voices harmonized as they started the chorus. Neither needed to look at their hands, this song…their song…so familiar.

It’s your love  
It just does something to me  
It sends a shock right through me  
I can’t get enough  
And if you wonder  
About the spell I’m under  
It’s your love

A soft smile was on Dean’s lips as he sang the next verse.

Better than I was  
More than I am  
And all of this happened  
By takin’ your hand

Cas’ voice joined with Dean’s. 

And who I am now  
Is who I wanted to be  
And now that we’re together  
I’m stronger than ever  
I’m happy and free

Dean let his voice fade, so Cas could take the next verse.

Oh it’s a beautiful thing  
Don’t think I can take it all in,  
And you asked me why I changed  
All I gotta do is say your sweet name

Dean put his foot on the piano bench beside Cas, pressing it into the length of Cas’ side. Cas leaned into him. They sang the chorus and Cas stopped playing, letting Dean take the rest of the song as a solo.

It’s your love  
It just does something to me  
It sends a shock right through me  
I can’t get enough  
And if you wonder  
About the spell I’m under  
It’s your love  
Oh, baby

Oh it’s a beautiful thing  
Don’t think I can take it all in,  
And you asked me why I changed  
All I gotta do is say your sweet name

It’s your love  
It just does something to me  
It sends a shock right through me  
I can’t get enough  
And if you wonder  
About the spell I’m under  
It’s your love

Dean’s voice whispered the last line and repeated it twice more as the notes faded. Cas swallowed and waited for Dean to say something. Dean tore his eyes away from Cas’ and they focused on the tree. “You wanted a smaller tree but I insisted on this one.”

Cas held his breath, afraid to make as sound.

“Last Christmas we had a fake tree. We both hated it.” Dean didn’t take his eyes off the twinkling lights.

“You gave me a ring on Christmas Eve and got on your knees and asked me to marry you.” He finally turned and looked at Cas. “I said yes.” He looked down at his hand.

“Where’s my ring?”

“We had a fight right before Thanksgiving. You took it off.” Cas closed his eyes. “You said that you needed to think about things.”

“Did we make up?” Dean whispered.

“Yeah, but you wouldn’t wear the ring.”

Dean pulled the guitar strap over his head and hung his guitar back on the wall.

“Must have been some fight.” Dean nudged Cas over and sat down on the bench beside him.

“Not the worst we’ve had, but probably…it probably did more damage than all the others.”

“We’ve had some pretty bad fights,” Dean said, his hand covering Cas’.

“Yeah, but we’ve always talked it out.”

“The make up sex was…good.” Dean’s fingers entwined with Cas’ and pulled his hand down into his lap.

“Just good?” Cas gave him a shy smile.

“I think there is always room for improvement.”

Cas laughed. Dean kissed him, tentative…nervous…chaste.

“I’m missed you,” Cas whispered, staring at their joined hands.

“I’m sorry.”

“Shhhh, not your fault.” Cas touched Dean’s face. Fingertips tracing the line of his jaw, gently touching the laugh lines at the corners of his eyes. Brushing over the freckles that were scattered over Dean’s cheeks and nose. 

“I remember that I love you more than life itself,” Dean said huskily. 

“I thought I’d lost you and I…couldn’t…I couldn’t…” First one, then another tear fell from Cas’ blue eyes. Dean’s thumb wiped them away. 

“You can’t get rid of me that easily. Besides, I’m hot for your body,” Dean smiled and Cas chuckled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song included is "It's Your Love" by Tim McGraw and Faith Hill.


	10. Chapter 10 - I Will Remember You

“Do you want to go to bed?” 

Cas nodded. While Cas checked to make sure the doors were locked, Dean set up the coffee maker. They met at the bottom of the stairs. Dean took Cas’ hand and they started up. “You still haven’t replaced the pictures.”

“We can do it tomorrow.”

“Okay.” Dean led them into their bedroom. “My appointment is at 8:30 in the morning.”

“I know. Do you want me to go with you?”

“I think so. It’s just routine, right? I want to be cleared to go back to work.”

“Bobby said to take as much time…”

“Cas, I need to get back to work.”

“Of course, I understand.”

Dean put his hands at the bottom of Cas’ shirt and started to lift it, but Cas stopped him by covering Dean’s hands with his own.

“Dean, wait.” 

At Dean’s confused look, Cas hesitated and then looked at some far off place over Dean’s shoulder. 

“What?”

“As much as I want you…I just…there are still some blanks that need to be filled in…and maybe we should…shouldn’t…Dean, something caused you to…damn it, when you got your memory back, you remembered everyone but me, but us. There’s a reason…”

Dean backed up a step and ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “I remember enough, Cas.” He turned and went into their bathroom and shut the door. Dean looked at himself in the mirror, leaning his hands on the counter. In his head, he knew that Cas was right. There was something, just under the surface…a tingling that something important needed to be…remembered. He opened the door and saw that Cas was still standing in the same spot. His face was impassive and Dean saw the pain in his eyes. He went back to him. 

“You’re right.” 

“I should just sleep in the guest room again.” It was Cas’ turn to step back, but Dean grabbed his arm. “No, Cas. I want you in our bed. I just want you near me, okay?”

Cas gave a short nod. The two went about their nightly routine without speaking. Both changed behind the closed door of the bathroom. Cas wore a t-shirt with his sleep pants, but Dean just wore his boxer briefs. Cas grimaced, “Way to play fair, Dean.”

“Hey, you know I can’t sleep unless I’m naked, be grateful I’m wearing these.”

Cas just shook his head and turned off the overhead light. Cas picked up his book and put on his reading glasses. Dean glanced over and a noise came out of him that sounded almost like a squeak. Cas looked up. “What’s wrong?”

“Now who isn’t playing fair? Those glasses make you look all bookish and nerdy and then under that shirt, you’re a fuckin’ poster boy for hot gay porn.”

“I love your body too. Now, go to sleep.” Cas closed his book and took off the glasses. He turned off his lamp and waited for Dean to turn off his. When the room was completely dark, Cas whispered, “Goodnight, Dean, I love you.”

“I love you more.” Dean rolled over and kissed Cas softly on the lips and felt triumphant when Cas moaned into the kiss, opening his lips slightly. 

“Goodnight, Cas.”

***

The alarm woke Cas. He smiled when he felt Dean’s arms and legs tangled with his. Dean was like an octopus when he slept. The first few nights they spent together, it drove Cas crazy because he hated being touched when he was sleeping, but now, it just felt right.

“Dean,” Cas kissed Dean’s forehead. “Dean! Wake up and hit the shower.” All he got was a groan and Dean’s arms tightened, while one leg came up and brushed against Cas’ cock. He drew in a sharp breath and pushed Dean’s leg down.

“You shower first…want to sleep five more minutes.” Dean mumbled into his pillow.

“No, get up. You know you take longer to get ready than I do.” Cas stood up and snatched the covers off Dean. He laughed out loud. Sometime during the night, Dean’s boxers had hit the floor. “You just couldn’t do it, could you?”

“Give me back the blankets. Damn you, Cas.” Dean whined and reached out searching for the blanket without picking up his head from his pillow. Cas chuckled, Dean had never been a morning person.

Cas smacked Dean’s bare ass. “Get up. I’m going to start the coffee. You better be in the shower when I get back.”

“Blow me.” Dean muttered.

“In time, Babe.” Cas smiled and left the room. 

***

Dean stumbled to the shower, still half asleep. The hot water had its desired effect and he began to wake up. When he was done, his coffee cup was on the bathroom counter. “I love you,” he called out before taking his first sip. 

“Yeah, yeah, hurry up and get out of there.” 

He wrapped a towel around his waist and put on his deodorant. Running a hand over his face, he decided he could pull off the scruffy look for one more day. 

“It’s all yours.” 

***

By eight, both men were ready to go. When they passed the garage, already open for business, Dean glanced over at Cas. “We’ve got to go car shopping this afternoon.”

“Why this afternoon?”

“I’m hoping to go back to work tomorrow. You can’t be stuck without a car.”

“I’m leaning towards a Jeep Liberty.”

“A Chrysler? I don’t think so. You can have a Chevy or Ford. I was thinking about a Tahoe. Big, tough, manly.”

“You got to pick my last one. It’s my turn.”

“Cas, whining does not become you. Besides you don’t know shit about cars.”

“Assbutt.”

“That’s Mr. Assbutt to you.” Dean was still grinning when they pulled into the hospital parking lot. Dr. Crowley’s office was on the second floor of the medical building. Dean signed in and they sat, fingers laced and watched CNN.

“Mr. Winchester.” The pretty, young nurse called him.

“Do you want me to go with you?”

“I’ll be fine.” Dean followed the nurse down the hall and into an exam room. She took his vital signs and made a few notations in his chart. “Dr. Crowley will be right with you.”

Dean sat on the exam table and waited. After a few minutes, he took his phone out and checked his email. He was playing Angry Birds when the door opened.

“Mr. Winchester, how is everything?”

“Good.”

“Headaches? Dizziness?”

“No and no.”

“How is the memory?” Dr. Crowley checked his eyes and ears. 

“Okay. I remembered most stuff.”

“But not everything?” The doctor sat down on a rolling stool and faced Dean.

“Still can’t really remember the accident, but last night my memories of Cas started coming back.”

“Excellent. Not remembering a traumatic accident is normal and it may take more time, or it may never come back. And you didn’t remember your…significant other until last night?”

“Yeah, but not everything. He said we had a fight a few days before the accident, but we made up…” Dean blinked and remembered Cas’ words from last night. ‘Not the worst we’ve had, but probably…it probably did more damage than all the others.’ More damage, what did that mean?

“You don’t remember the fight?”

“No.” 

“I’m not a psychiatrist or a psychologist, but maybe the reason your memories of your relationship were the last to return is because of an unresolved issue.”

Dean was quiet for a moment. “Can he…would you…he’s in the waiting room. Can he come back?”

Crowley rolled his stool to the phone on the wall and punched a button. “Denise, could you ask,” he consulted his chart. “Mr. Novak to come back here, please.”

Within minutes, Cas knocked on the door. Crowley stood and opened the door. “Come in, Mr. Novak. Your partner and I were discussing a few things and thought you could shed some light on a few details.”

“Anything.” Cas moved to stand beside the exam table.

“What was the fight about, Cas?” Dean decided to get right to the point.

Cas looked at the doctor, avoiding Dean’s eyes. “I don’t think it matters now.”

“Was it resolved, Mr. Novak?”

“Yes…no.” Cas stared at his shoes.

“Cas, talk,” Dean insisted.

Cas began pacing the small room. “I asked you to marry me and you said yes. We were happy, Dean. And then…and then the very next day, you showed me all these papers on adoptions and surrogates…”

Dr. Crowley stood up and went to the door. “I’m going to leave now. It appears you both have a few issues to talk about. Stay here as long has you need.”

Dean was sitting there with his eyes closed. The memories of the fight came flooding back. “You said you didn’t want kids.” 

“That’s not what I meant. I didn’t mean I didn’t want them, I just don’t want them now…”

“You were pissed that I brought it up. You left for hours and wouldn’t return my texts. That’s when I took of my ring.”

“I was scared Dean. God, I just wanted to be with you…to show the world that I loved you and we belonged together. I didn’t want to think about…about sharing you.”

“You don’t think having a kid scares me?” 

“You didn’t act like it…hell, Dean, you had the adoption forms filled out…you filled them out before you even talked to me. It was like you took the decision out of my hands.”

Dean hung his head, knowing that Cas was right. He’d wanted it to be a surprise. “Cas, I guess I got caught up in the fairy tale…you fall in love, get married and have babies. We did the first thing and were working on the second one…and everything was perfect…”

Cas dropped down on the stool the doctor had vacated. He took Dean’s hands in his. “One day, I want to have a little Dean running around. Really, I do. Raising a child with you would be…everything I ever dreamed of.”

“Just not right now,” Dean could accept that. “Can we go now?” he said, standing up.

“Sure.” Cas took his hand and they left after finishing Dean’s insurance paperwork. 

“Let’s stop by the car lot and pick out a car.” 

The two men stopped at the Chevrolet lot first and Dean oh-ed and ah-ed over the Tahoes. Cas admitted he was impressed, especially the one with all the bells and whistles. 

“Do you really need Bose speakers? Baby doesn’t have Bose speakers. And heated seats, really, Cas. Your ass is hot enough. A sunroof…this is a truck, Cas, a truck for God’s sake.”

Cas let him rant but in the end, he knew he’d be getting exactly what he wanted.

“I’ll drive you to work in the morning and come back here and buy the car.”

“Fine,” Dean muttered.

“Fine.” Cas said, grinning.

They got back in the Impala and were soon pulling into their driveway. “Cas?”

“Hmmm?”

“Can we get dog?”

Cas burst out laughing. “You don’t fuckin’ give up, do you?”

Dean put on his pouty face, because he knew Cas could not resist it. It was the pouty face that Dean used to talk Cas into the nipple ring. 

“Okay, alright. But you are going to be responsible…feeding and vet visits, the whole nine yards.”

“Yes, dear.”

“And cleaning up the dog shit…”

“Yes, dear.”

“Obedience lessons….”

“Yes, dear.”

“And wild, kinky sex…”

“Yes, dear…wait…what?” Dean spun around in the kitchen to stare at Cas.

“Just making sure you were listening to me.”

“Soooo, wild, kinky sex is not an option?” 

“Oh, it’s definitely an option.” Cas grinned and hit the stairs at a dead run. Dean skidded in the hall nearly losing his balance, but still managed to get to the bedroom just as Cas’ shirt was tossed towards the hamper. Cas’ hands were on the button of his jeans.

“Stop.” Cas froze. Dean brushed his hands away. “Mine.” Dean’s hands were gripping Cas’ sides, right above the waistband of his jeans. His mouth came down on Cas’, his tongue pushing his partner’s lips apart. Cas moaned into the kiss. He felt Dean’s teeth take his lower lip and pull before his tongue moved in for more. Cas let Dean lead, becoming the submissive one.

Dean trailed his kisses down to Cas’ neck, biting and sucking, leaving his mark. When Dean’s tongue lapped his left nipple, causing the ring to move, Cas whimpered. While his tongue was working the ring and the sensitive nipple, his hand gently pinched the other one. Cas’ breathing was becoming labored. Dean’s hand cupped his erection straining against the fly of his jeans and Cas rutted against his hand.

Dean raised his head. “Get undressed.”

Cas unfastened his jeans and pushed them down his thighs. Dean grinned when he saw that Cas wasn’t wearing underwear. “You’re such a slut.” Dean hand cupped Cas’ balls and gave them a firm squeeze. “Yes,” Cas hissed the word.

“On the bed and spread your legs, show me how needy you are.”

Dean stood at the end of their bed, watching his lover. Cas lay on his back, hands above his head, legs spread with his knees bent slightly. Cas’ cock lay against his belly, precum leaving a trail near his navel. 

“Good boy.” Dean moved over to the nightstand and opened the bottom drawer. He pulled out a pair of handcuffs and knelt on the bed to enclose Cas’ hands in the cuffs and around the headboard. Dean’s crotch was right at Cas’ mouth and he gripped the zipper with his mouth, trying desperately to get to Dean’s engorged dick. When Dean moved away, he made a mewling sound. Dean reached down into the drawer again and brought up a black square of silk. Before he tied the blindfold on, he gazed into his lover’s eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you.” Cas murmured.

After the blindfold was in place, Dean stood up and removed his clothes. “Twelve days, Cas. No sex in twelve days for either of us. That’s the longest we’ve gone with each other. Did you ever get yourself off, Babe?”

Cas shook his head. “No.”

“Not even once?” Dean rubbed a hand over his cock as he looked down at Cas. Pale skin contrasted with the black ink. The gold of the nipple ring glistened in the afternoon sunlight coming in their window. His smooth chest, narrow waist, the trail of dark hair from his navel to the trimmed nest of hair. Cas’ cock was long and thick. The head slick with his precum. Jutting hipbones that begged to be kissed. Runner’s legs, muscular thighs with dark hair, well formed calves. Feet that Dean loved to tickle, but not now. Now, he wanted to make his lover beg…to make his lover scream.

“No. Had to wait…for you.” Cas’ voice hitched. It was like he could feel Dean’s eyes heating his skin.

Dean crawled back on the bed, his knees at Cas’ shoulder. He rubbed the head of his dick over Cas’ jaw. The other man turned his head, opening his mouth, but Dean pulled back. “Before I remembered us…I got myself off, Cas, thinking of you. Why is that?”

“I don’t know.” Cas whispered, gasping when Dean pulled on his nipple ring. 

“Yesterday, I remembered you on the kitchen counter, spread out before me, my tongue deep inside you.”

“God, Dean, stop teasing…please.”

“Teasing…hmmm… you were teasing me, Cas. The picture on my computer…those tight fuckin’ jeans…you in the towel…the hot tub. Cocktease.” Dean’s fingers continued to play with the nipple ring and Cas’ hips were moving, rutting. 

“I couldn’t even take a shower without seeing you on your knees, sucking my cock. So fuckin’ hot, on your knees, drinking my cum.”

Cas whimpered. His arms strained against the cuffs. “Please.”

“Shhh.” Dean put a finger across Cas’ lips. “Don’t talk, Babe.” Dean’s hand guided his cock to Cas’ mouth again, this time letting the other man take him in. 

“Your mouth is built for sucking my cock. That’s it, suck me, Cas.” Dean moved his hips, slowly fucking Cas’ mouth. He waited until Cas relaxed and lost himself in pleasuring Dean’s cock before pulling away. Cas growled.

Dean moved between Cas’ legs and pushed them up. “Lift your hips.” Cas obeyed and Dean pushed a pillow under him. He knelt down and swiped his tongue over Cas’ balls, just once and waited. Cas moved his hips, seeking Dean’s mouth.

The next time Cas felt Dean’s tongue it was under his sac, just a brief lick. “Fuckin’ tease.” Dean could hear the frustration in Cas’ voice and he used his teeth on his thigh, biting and then sucking. Cas’ body jerked and Dean held him down. “Relax, Cas…this may take a while.”

The sound that Cas made caused Dean to chuckle softly. He waited until Cas’ thighs relaxed under his hands and then he went in again, this time his tongue curled over the puckered entrance. When he pulled back again, Cas’ back arched. “Fuck, Dean.”

Knowing Cas was tiring of his game, Dean rewarded him with his tongue, dipping and swirling it, his spit making Cas slick and ready. Dean pushed his finger in to the first knuckle and continued to use his tongue. In and out, each time his finger went deeper. It was getting harder to hold Cas still, so he removed his finger and sat up.

Cas stilled, waiting for what was coming next, breathing erratic. Dean moved from the bed and watched his lover until his breathing evened out.

“Dean?”

“I’m here.”

Cas turned his head towards Dean’s voice, but didn’t speak. Dean waited, counting silently to sixty. Cas’ arms relaxed in the cuffs. Dean reached into the open drawer and picked up a curved latex vibrator. It was narrow, only slightly bigger than Dean’s fingers, but it was curved to stimulate the prostate. He also picked up a tube of lube. He coated the vibrator with it and once again arranged himself between Cas’ legs.

Needing to keep his lover guessing and on edge, Dean licked the head of Cas’ cock, his tongue dipped into the slit once, twice, then he pulled away. Cas began to pant and thrust up with his hips. With his finger, slick with lube, Dean pushed into Cas again. Cas rolled his hips, silently begging for more. “So greedy.”

Dean started the vibrator and Cas froze at the sound. Dean knew he was anticipating being fucked with the toy, but Dean pressed it against the head of Cas’ cock. Cas jerked and cried out as the sensation ran through his body like a shock of electricity. Dean slowly dragged the tip of the vibrator down the length of Cas’ shaft. Precum beaded up on the head of his cock. Dean continued to run the tip of the toy over Cas’ balls, over the sensitive area under his sac and then he paused at Cas’ slick hole. Slowly, he pushed it in. When the entire length was nestled inside Cas, Dean pushed the button to increase the speed. Cas’ body jerked and he moaned, his head thrashed from side to side. Beads of sweat appeared on his chest and forehead.

“Who do you belong to?”

“You.” Cas’ voice was rough.

Dean reached for the lube and coated his fingers with it. While he watched Cas writhe on the bed, he prepped himself. When he was ready, Cas was almost incoherent. Dean flicked off the blindfold. 

“Cas, Baby. It’s time.” Cas’ glazed eyes met his. He straddled Cas hips, facing the bottom of the bed. Reaching behind, he took Cas’ cock in his hand and guided him to his hole. He sank down, knowing Cas was watching himself disappear into Dean’s tight body. With one hand braced on Cas’ thigh, and the other holding the end of the vibrator, he began to move his hips. Faster and faster, thrusting the toy in and out of Cas with each downward stroke. 

“God, Dean, please…can’t…gonna…” Dean pushed to button on the toy to the highest setting. Cas screamed and Dean felt him coming. He felt the throb, the wetness, as his lover emptied himself. Slowly, knowing how sensitive Cas was at this point, he pulled the toy out and lay it to the side. He continued to rock on Cas’ cock until it softened. He rose up, letting Cas’ dick slide out of his body. 

When he turned, he smiled. Cas was a wreck. His hair was damp with sweat and he’d bitten his lips until they were swollen and deep red. He leaned in for a kiss. Then another.

He carefully placed a knee on each side of Cas’ shoulders and began to masturbate. Cas’ eyes were on his cock, barely blinking. Dean’s hand moved faster. 

“I’m going to come on your face, Babe.”

“Yes.” Cas’ eyes stayed focused on the head of Dean’s cock. It was slick and Dean’s fist moved up and down, faster and faster. When he felt the beginnings of his orgasm, he cupped his balls and squeezed. Cas’ eyes met his as he came. Thick streams of cum falling over Cas’ lips, his cheeks, in his hair. Dean groaned.

Slowly, he moved off Cas and collapsed on the bed. “Damn.”

Cas laughed softly.


	11. Chapter 11 - Love Will Remember

Cas dragged his hand over his face, managing to wipe off most of Dean’s cum. He ran the same hand through his hair. Dean roared with laughter. “Name that movie,” he said, shaping Cas’ hair into a faux hawk.

“Shut up and go start the shower.”

“You should be nicer to me.” Dean said, slapping Cas on his thigh. He pushed himself up and rolled off the bed. He winced, it had been awhile and his body was a little sore. 

“Showers ready.” Dean called out.

Cas strolled into the bathroom in all his naked glory and Dean lifted an eyebrow. “Damn, I love your body, but you might want to think about changing that hair product.”

“I don’t know, your spunk is cheaper than all this shit you use.” Cas pointed to all Dean’s bottles of mousse and hairspray.

“All of us weren’t born with perfect sex hair.” Dean stuck his head under the shower and Cas squirted some of the shampoo into his hands. He massaged Dean’s scalp until Dean let out a long sigh. “I love your hands.”

The two men bathed each other, sharing kisses that started innocently enough, but soon passion flared. Cas turned off the water and handed Dean a towel. He was barely dry when Cas dragged him out of the bathroom and pushed him down on the bed. Cas’ mouth claimed Dean’s but the kisses were slow and easy. Dean lay on his back, Cas over him, blue eyes burning with want and need. No words were spoken, Cas mapped Dean’s skin with his hands and his mouth. As he sank into Dean’s body, Dean moaned and pulled Cas into another kiss. “I love you so much.”

“I thought I’d lost you…” Cas whispered, peppering kisses on Dean’s eyelids, down his cheeks, along his jaw.

“Shhhh, I’m here.” 

Cas rolled his hips, slow strokes. “I missed this, making love to you, touching you…” 

Dean brushed a curl of damp, dark hair off Cas’ forehead. “We’ve got a lifetime now.”

The two men stayed in bed, touching, loving and kissing until the late afternoon sun disappeared. “We missed lunch.” Dean murmured into Cas’ inked shoulder. 

“Hungry?” Cas kissed Dean’s hair, hand rubbing his back.

“Starving.”

“Let’s get up then,” Cas whispered.

“Let’s order room service.”

“We are room service.” Cas pushed Dean off of him. “Come on.”

They stood and each picked up their jeans from the floor and pulled them on. Both stayed shirtless. As Cas walked out of the bedroom door, Dean stopped him. “Wait.”

Cas turned around, “What?”

Dean moved to the dresser and opened a small wooden box. He pulled out the simple gold band, a small emerald was set into the gold. He handed it to Cas. “Can we do this over?”

Cas took the ring and looked at it. “I had this made for you, you know.”

“You didn’t tell me that.”

“The first thing I noticed about you was your eyes. I’d never seen eyes that green, that’s why I picked an emerald.” Cas dropped down to one knee.

Dean laughed. “What are you doing?”

“You asked for a ‘do over’, so I think I’ll do it right this time. Handing it to you in bed after great sex probably wasn’t the most romantic way to ask you to marry me.”

Dean stared down at Cas. “I’m sorry I messed things up.”

“We messed things up, Dean. Everyone deserves a ‘do over’.” Cas held out his left hand and Dean took it. Cas placed the ring on Dean’s finger. “Will you marry me?”

“Yes.”

“Will you take care of our puppy?”

Dean laughed, “Yes.”

“Will you take care of our child or children when we both decide we are ready to have them?”

Dean dropped to his knees. “Yes. Yes, I will marry you.”

They sealed the deal with a kiss and held hands to the kitchen. “Hey, while you find something for us to eat, I’m going to call and catch up with Sam.”

“Alright.” Cas opened the fridge, while Dean wondered into the living room. 

***

A couple of weeks later, their families gathered in their living room to celebrate their marriage and Christmas Eve. An old friend of Ellen’s performed the simple ceremony. Cas’ brother, Gabe, a professional chef, provided the food. Along with all the adults, Gabe’s children ran around chasing two Boxer puppies. 

“I still don’t get why you let him get two. Dean’s never had a pet, you know you’re going to wind up taking care of them.” Sam was standing on the back deck with Cas.

“I’ve never been able to tell Dean no. He calls them ‘the twins’ and so far, he’s taking care of everything. Even cleaning up their messes.”

“Dean? My brother? Cleaning up dog shit?” Sam shook his head. “Hell, maybe he will make a great dad someday.”

“He will be a wonderful dad.” Cas looked through the French doors into the living room, watching Dean wiping Gabe’s little girl’s face while holding onto a soggy cookie that her twin brother handed him.

***

“Damn it, Cas, where are the damn instructions?” 

“There are in the box next to the trash can, because my darling husband said he didn’t need them.” Cas stood at the doorway, leaning against the doorjamb. Dean was in the middle of their guest room, now devoid of furniture except for a partially constructed crib.

Dean took a deep breath. “I didn’t know you had to have a degree in rocket science to put a freakin’ crib together. 

“I’ll go get the instructions. Sit tight.” They were interrupted by the two Boxers barking downstairs. 

“Must be the furniture company with the rest of the furniture.” Cas turned and jogged down the stairs. Dean pushed himself up off the floor and followed.

“Jo? What are you doing here? Come in and get off your feet.” Cas took her arm and helped her into the living room. Dean grabbed a few throw pillows to put under her feet. 

“I was just feeling restless and mom was driving me batshit crazy.” She allowed the two of them to prop her feet. The dogs sat at her feet.

“Do you need anything, milk, herbal tea?” Cas looked ready to run to the kitchen if Jo so much as blinked.

“You need a blanket?” Dean was bouncing on the balls of his feet.

“Stop, both of you. I’m fine.” Jo put her hands on her swollen belly and winced. “Your son is pushing hard on my bladder, seems like I have to pee every five minutes.”

“If he is being bad, he’s Dean’s. My son is sweet, smart and talented.”

The doorbell rang, causing the dogs to bark again, cutting off Dean’s retort. 

Jo watched in amusement as Dean and Cas directed the delivery people upstairs. She laughed when Dean bribed one of them to finish putting together the crib for him with $40. “So, Cas, is the nursery about finished?”

“Well, the painting is done, new carpet is down, Ellen hung the curtains yesterday. Once the furniture is all in place, we can unpack all the stuff from the baby shower and the crazy shopping spree that Dean went on as soon as we found out John was John instead of Mary.”

“Cas?” At her tone, Cas went to her side. “What is it, Jo?

“You may need to replace this couch.” 

“Why?”

“I think my water just broke.”

Cas opened his mouth, and then closed it again. Jo grinned. “You look like a fish.”

“I…uhm…Dean! Dean!”

Dean galloped down the stairs. “Quit yelling…” 

“We’ve having a baby.”

“Yep, Captain Obvious, we are…”

“NOW, we’re having a baby now.” 

Dean looked from his husband to Jo, who was grinning. “I suppose we need to make some calls, guys.”

***

They got Jo to the hospital without incident, even though the argument in the driveway about whose car they were taking did get a little heated. Jo finally got pissed at the two men and threatened to drive herself. 

Cas took care of the paperwork, while Dean paced the floor. The rest of the family began to arrive. Sam was the first and he was almost as nervous as the two fathers. He paced with Dean until Cas gave them his best bitch-face and told them if they didn’t sit down, he would not be accountable for what he did to them. Ellen and Bobby sat patiently, watching and occasionally laughing at their antics. 

A nurse appeared. “I need the two dads to come with me.”

Cas gripped Dean’s hand and they followed the nurse. She helped them get into gowns and showed them where Jo’s room was. Jo was hooked up to a monitor and the two men could see their son’s heartbeat. Jo was in good spirits and the three friends talked and teased each other until a contraction hit, then the couple held onto Jo’s hand until it passed. 

Jo’s labor lasted ten hours. Cas and Dean would take turns walking to the waiting room and keeping the family up to date. At 9:45 p.m., John Samuel Novak-Winchester entered the world.   
***

“Cas, are you coming to bed?” Dean called from their room.

Cas appeared in the doorway. “I just wanted to make sure he was okay.”

“He is the same as the last ten times you’ve checked on him.”

“I know, but it’s his first night. Do you have the monitor turned on? Are the bottles made up?”

Dean picked up the baby monitor on his nightstand. “See, green light means it’s on and I made up six bottles, everything is going to be fine.”

Cas glanced longingly down the hallway before he stepped into the room and began removing his clothes. When he crawled into bed, Bella and Angel flopped down on their beds next to the fireplace, and Dean turned off the lamp.

Dean rolled over to wrap his body around Cas. “So, Daddy, we got a box in the mail today from Amazon.”

“Oh?” Cas said innocently.

“A toy piano…really? He’s going to play the guitar.”

“He’s got the hands of a pianist.”

“He’s got baby hands, Cas.”

“Baby pianist hands,” Cas declared.

“Sam started his college fund today,” Dean murmured sleepily.

“Yeah? That’s pretty awesome.” Cas kissed Dean goodnight. “Go to sleep, I’ll take the first feeding.”

“I’m scheduled for the first one.” 

“Shhhh, take it while I’m offering. In a few weeks, you’ll be begging me to take them.”

Dean’s breathing became deep and even beside him. Cas lay in the dark, enjoying the feel of his husband’s skin against his own. He thought back to the morning two and a half years ago, when he’d gotten the call that Dean had been in a car accident. Throughout the ten days he was in a coma, Cas rarely left his side. It was a rough time, Cas almost lost him twice, once to an accident and then once to his amnesia. A month after he woke from his coma, Dean finally remembered the accident itself and Cas showed him the pictures of the Expedition that the insurance company had given him. An angel had been watching over Dean that day.

Cas was still awake when he heard John’s soft whimper. He gently moved Dean, so he could get up. In the nursery, he picked up his son and held him close. Inhaling the wonderful scent of their baby, he walked downstairs to the kitchen, the two dogs right behind him. He warmed the bottle and instead of taking John back to the nursery where the rocker was, he took him to their bed. Carefully, he got in beside Dean and began feeding their child. Dean woke to the sound of Cas humming a lullaby and snuggled up to his husband, an arm around Cas and a hand on his son’s head.

**Author's Note:**

> For those of you who like my stuff, I've created a FB group page. I'll post my stuff there and you can give me prompts. https://www.facebook.com/groups/550258875175871/


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